Dog Problem Vol. 1

I've recently got a dog and whilst experimenting in the bedroom with it and my wife of five years, i discovered that Fido gives better head than Vanessa. I want to run away with the dog and start a new life and have lots of puppies together, but i feel that i should stay with my wife for the sake of the children. What should i do?

Dog lover, Preston

What the hell is wrong with you? Yes stay with your wife, maybe the dog can pleasure you, but my God, why did you let it? It's people like you who will make it socially acceptable to cross breed with other species, and I don't care what you 'Animal Lovers' say, that ain't right.
What if you are misreading the signals your hound is giving you? You have to consider the fact that the dog cannot talk - so cannot give you consent, therefore you are raping this innocent creature. You are not fit to have a pet, therefore you should return to your wife and kids, and find a new loving home (not a 'loving' home) for the dog, as you will never kick this habit if you keep it.

Good luck,

P.S. You know it makes sense.