Doctor in the house...

Dear Auntie Greg,

Recently, through no fault of my own, a girl has taken it upon herself to dramatically rip my heart out from my body, leaving me with minimal respiratory functionality and a quite badly damaged liver. As the blood slowerly flows from my chest cavity and the feeling of light headedness becomes ever increasing, i wonder - would Dr.Karl Kennedy be any use to me at present of should i just give up on life now and go quietly into the night??

I am also faced with the problem whereby i have hope that one day this girl will return my slightly damaged aortic pump, patch my broken body back together and everything will end happily ever after.. but i ask you this auntie greg (with whom i have no blood relation, uh hum), is there such a thing as a happy ending?

Think Warm Thoughts

Regards,

The Unloved Doctor. x

p.s. looks cold out - might wear a jacket
p.p.s. who is that fitty on your new album cover? i hear it's somewhat of a trade secret.. rumours on the forum website "101 bones your pet shouldn't have gnawed" suggest that the band confused 'mail-order bride' with 'male-order bride' and now your stuck with a £2000 bill for goods you didn't want because you didn't keep the receipt?? can this be true.. if so, how much for a night?
p.p.p.s. take one tablet three times a day until the swelling subsides


The Unloved Doctor

Dear Doctor,

I know as well as any the pain of heart ache, and I will answer you truthfully, there is such a thing as a happy ending. However I must advice caution as the happiness isn't necessarily where you would expect to find it. This woman may not return, but I am certain that there is a future for you on God's green Earth, and it will be a happy one as long as you cease to dwell on problems which are in the past. One must move on my child, that is the only way. Living in the past will only hurt you more.

As for your medical problems - SEEK A DOCTOR! Your chest is open - SHIT - we've got a flat-liner! 200 Volts - CLEAR!

That's what I'd do - but Dr. Karl would probably perform a tracheotomy with a Bic Biro, but he's only in it for the money. Also would you trust a doctor who had broken his hypocratic oath?

Overall, I would say duck and weave... moving onwards is the only way - she won't bring your heart back and if she does she's only teasing you. Worry not though, modern science will show us the way forward, as I'm sure you know only too well.

Much love,

P.S. The cover boy is a bit of a dish, and if I was in his range; I would.