Uh oh!!!

Dear Auntie Greg,
I can't help but notice a developing tendency to bring my name up in your column, in an attempt to besmirch, belittle and be...erm...feater me.

Initially came the claim that I have, on at least one occassion, accosted in an improper manner an "anonymous" young man, and am liable to strike again. On this count, I would remind you that it takes two to tango, and that's only a soft drink! In which case, it would take by my calculations 10-12 with an alcoholic, not to mention spiked, 'lust-cocktail'. Not so easy to point fingers now, is it!

The second count of defamation regards an apparent "fetish" of mine. On this count, I would suggest that rash generalisation is at play. "Fetish" being as strong a word as it is, I would be extremely careful before dragging even the most respectable nun's of the heated variety down to such a level of debauchery as apparently befits myself! A fact which I must defend myself from, naturally.

Liam; under fire

P.S. I have this friend, ok, who accidentally drugged a nun, and...erm, what should he do about this? Know of any good defence barristers/false alibis for me...oh, to call for him.

Liam I am very sorry, whenever the name Liam was mentioned it was meant to read 'Ian', these damn computer-machines eh?

Had a great time with you yesterday evening at that charming Indian restaurant, whilst not breaking the law, (wink wink) and who'd have thought you could eat a whole curried goat?

A child, maybe, but never a goat! I mean korma, oh God...

My most humble apologies,

P.S. Nothing to see here officer...