O Holy One

Dear Auntie Greg
I am god and therefore divinely inspired woshiped all over etc. However i have problems with .. belief. You see i dont beleive in myself anymore and while for most of you lesser mortals there are simple solution such as counciling this is quiete beyond me as everyone is all "thank you god this" and "praise u god that" . I have contemplated suicide but for an immortal this does seem a bit more tricky then throwing myself out of a window. I am running out of ideas and havent been this frustrated since mosses (dam bearded charloten) Anywho i need u auntie greg and should this go well there could be a sainthood in it for ya.
Divinally Yours
Jehovah,God,Oh lord etc etc

Simon

Hi there God,
It's always hard to attempt to solve your makers problems but as I enjoy a challenge (and also I'm a sell-out whore, and can easily be charmed by money or sainthoods) I'll give it a shot.
Well as you made man in your own image I will give you the same advice as I would to any of your loyal creations.
Why not curl up on the sofa wearing your most comfortable jumper, and watch re-runs of the Leslie Nielsen weekend which was on Paramount Comedy Channel last weekend. I'm sure you have Sky Plus so this shouldn't be too much of a problem for you. That should cheer you up in next to no time. If not go to a Gospel Choir Christmas Concert, that would reaffirm your faith in you. It wouldn't for me but I'm a sceptical bastard at the best of times on the religion front. Give it a go.
Much love,

Auntie Greg x

P.S. Cigarette?

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