Putting the fun back in fundamentalism! More like the Mental!

Dear Ron Weazely, oops, i mean Auntie Gregg. My dilemma is somewhat career related. My current job is that of a precise explosive coordinator (sometimes affectionaly know as a marta, or otherwise known as one of those "kooky" suicide bombers). Here in lies my dilemma. Four weeks ago i was informed that my services were needed. So obviously i quit job at Muhammed Motors after telling my boss my true opinion of him. I broke up with girlfirend after telling her about the affair i had with the rather nice goat herder-ess in a nearby village. I proceded to max out all of my credit cards and telephone everyone who i'd ever disliked to tell them so. Well two days before i was supposed to provide my services, i was informed that they were no longer aquired. "What are the odds of George Bush aiding peace in the middle east!" i asked myself, why that's like rik waller winning a marathon. So now i have no girlfriend, no job, a huge mountain of debt, and a militia wanting to have me stoned (not in a good way either!), whatever shall i do?

Trey Orist *putting the fun back in fundamentalist*

Trey, nice to hear from you. It does sound like you've got yourself into a tricky situation here.
Right, first of all I think we're going to have to reflect the problem itself before we attempt to find a solution to your dilemma. Firstly in this three and a half week period in which you made all of these changes in your life, many changes occurred in the rest of the world. Firstly, Muhammed the Morbid, owner of Muhammed Motors realised after several meetings with his accountant that the liquidity of his business had deteriorated so much so that he could not afford to buy any more cars and had to sell up. All of the staff that were harmed and downtrodden as a result of his 'reign of terror' have been given their jobs back by the new ownership, 'Osama and Son'. I think you'll fit in well there. I also believe the new owners may even me able to help you with your credit rating, give them a go, I've heard they can impact financial trade like no others. Then the matter of your girlfriend. To be fair you cheated on her anyway, so you may as well just go back to the goat herder-ess or one of her goats, whatever's on offer really.
I think that covers it, by taking your problem piece by piece, we have managed to solve it. Remember this could all be seen as a blessing in disguise, you still have your life.
Stay lucky you crazy kid,
Much love,