Paraplegic Eskimo Leper

Dear Auntie Greg,

My problem is a very simple, even common one. A problem shared, some might say, by all. I am a paraplegic eskimo leper, with one leg, one eye and two of everything else (and yes, I do mean EVERYTHING!) and I can't seem to find the right husky to go with my eye colour. Please advise, and let us hope that the world reads... Together we can rid the world of one of its fundamental pitfalls!

Barry the Eskimo

Hi Barry,
My father also has this problem...having two livers that is. However he is not a paraplegic eskimo leper like yourself so I would imagine that you would have little to no interest in such a fact. If the box office smash hit film 'Kevin of the North' (Leslie Nielsen's best work, please note that sarcasm is implied) tought me anything it was that any dog can survive arctic conditions. Therefore don't limit yourself to just trying to match the colour of your one eye to a husky, try any dog. In saying this however I would advise you to pick a thick haired dog if you go down this path. Also think... Snow Leopard, it could work, just because it never has before doesn't mean that it might not.
I'd just like to add that I have so much admiration for 'you people'. Not only are you troubled my so many cruel acts by the Lord our God, but also you have the balance to ride a sled. Spiffing!
I hope that you find the husky, dog or leopard that you're looking for, and if you can't then think about tinted contact lenses. I know I would.
Good luck Barry,
Much love,

P.S. It could be worse, you could be an autistic paraplegic eskimo leper... BUCKAROO!